Dog Gone! Read online

  Jillian grabbed my arm, and we ran into the kitchen.

  “What should we do?” Jillian whispered.

  “Make bacon cupcakes,” I whispered.

  “How is that going to help Poochie?” Jillian whispered.

  “It won’t, but it’ll make our taste buds happy.”

  “Forget it,” Jillian said. “I can’t bake at a time like this.”

  I set the Gucci purse down. Poochie hopped out and went straight for my toes.

  Lick. Lick. Lick.

  I wiggled my toes and smiled at Jillian. “At least somebody’s taste buds are happy.”

  Midnight Madness

  It’s hard to enjoy a good toe-licking when you know that the dog you accidentally stole is headed for a life of meadow-fresh misery.

  Jillian and I didn’t even have time to plan. It was a Wednesday, and after dinner on Wednesdays, we have lessons. We’re homeschooled. Tonight, we were having a test: break into a second-story window without a ladder. Jillian went first. She had invented a ninja grappling hook and ninja shoes with sticky soles. She had practiced. She passed the test.

  My turn.

  WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON’T PRACTICE

  1. Instead of throwing the ninja grappling hook over the roof, you throw it through the window.

  2. Instead of wearing the ninja shoes with the sticky soles, you wear your flip-flops with the slippery soles.

  3. When you finally make it up to the window, you look down.

  “Billy,” Mom said.

  “I know. I didn’t do my homework,” I said. “Sorry.”

  Dad yawned. “Boy, oh, boy, I’m tired.”

  Mom yawned. “Me, too. I think we should all go to bed early tonight. Even Poochie looks tired, right, Poochie?”

  “Yip,” Poochie said.

  “We made a nice bed for Poochie in our room, didn’t we, Ron?” Mom said.

  Dad nodded. “A nice, cozy bed.”

  Jillian and I traded looks. We still didn’t have a plan.

  We all went to bed. After a few minutes, I heard Mom and Dad sneak out with Poochie.

  Poor Poochie. Jillian and I had to do something, but what?

  Suddenly … bzz!

  Something bit my toe. Yeow! Bedbugs? I got out of bed and started slapping my sheet. I slapped something hard. Bzz!

  Yeow! It got my hand. That must be one giant bedbug, I thought.

  I picked up my baseball bat and was about to smash it.

  Jillian walked in. “What are you doing?”

  “Killing giant bedbugs,” I said.

  Jillian grabbed the bat, whipped off my sheet, and picked up the Buzzer. “I put it here so I could signal you when the coast was clear to come to my room.”

  “Oh,” I said. “One of these days, I’m going to remember that thing.”

  “We need to save Poochie,” Jillian said.

  “I agree,” I said. “But how?”

  “We could give Mom and Dad a taste of their own medicine,” she said.

  “I don’t think Mom and Dad are taking any medicine.”

  “No. That’s not what I mean,” Jillian said. “What I mean is we could steal the dog from them before they have a chance to do anything.”

  So we put on our secret Crook uniforms—black turtlenecks and our sneaky black caps. Jillian grabbed her favorite tools and the money we’d collected for the shelter, just in case we needed it.

  “Let’s hurry,” I said. “We have to get to Higgins Park, wherever that is. That’s where they told Poochie’s owner to drop the money.”

  “They’re not going to the park yet,” Jillian said. “We have to get to Gregory Street first.”

  “Why?”

  She showed me a map on her smartphone. “I put a tracking device on Poochie Smoochie’s collar. I can track her with my phone. See the small blinking white dot? That’s Poochie. They’re headed down Gregory Street toward Elm Avenue right now.”

  “That’s amazing!” I exclaimed.

  Jillian grinned. “You mean I’m amazing?”

  “No, what’s amazing is that there’s a Beggin’ fer Burgers on Gregory Street!” I said. “On the way, we could—”

  Jillian stopped me. “We’re not stopping at Beggin’ fer Burgers.”

  “How did you know what I was about to say?”

  “Whenever you think about bacon, you get this crazy look in your eyes,” Jillian said. “Put that craving on hold. Let’s go.”

  Choo Choo Uh-Oh

  Jillian pulled me toward the garage.

  “But Mom and Dad took the van,” I said. “We can’t pedal our bikes fast enough to catch up.”

  Jillian opened the door and turned on the light. She ran over and pulled two objects out of a box. “It’s time to test out my new inventions.”

  “Backpacks?”

  “Jetpacks.” She grinned. “They look like backpacks, but they have a secret jetpack hidden inside.” She strapped one on my back. “With this, you won’t even need to pedal.”

  I hopped on my bike.

  “Wait,” Jillian said. “Let’s talk through our plan first.”

  “Just tell me how to start,” I said.

  “You start the motor by pulling on the string,” she said. “And you stop it by—”

  I couldn’t wait. I pulled on the string. Yank!

  Vrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!

  I blasted right through the garage door and was off.

  “Whoaaaaaaa!” I held on tight. The night was black. No moon. Dark houses and trees flashed by. I turned onto Gregory Street. Beggin’ fer Burgers was still open. Vroom … Beggin’ fer Burgers was a blur. Noooooo!

  I glanced behind. Jillian was catching up to me.

  “Billy!”

  I tried to slow down, but the jetpack seemed to have only one speed.

  “Turn right at the next street,” she called out to me. “Then left. Then go straight. They’re heading toward the train tracks.”

  I vroomed. Right. Left. Straight. A gas station … a car dealership … and then nothing but dark fields. A lonesome road. After a few seconds, I could see two red taillights ahead. I figured it must be Mom and Dad’s van. We were catching up to them. I needed to slow down.

  I pulled the string again, but that just made the jetpack go faster.

  Ahead, one lone street lamp showed a train signal. Right before the train tracks, the van turned left into a cornfield.

  Vroom! I zipped right by the cornfield turnoff and raced over the train track. Well, at least I was going too fast to be seen. Jillian sped up until she was next to me.

  “You have to stop slowly. Press the button on your left shoulder strap gently and hold it down.” She pressed her button and began to slow down.

  I reached up and pushed my button hard. ERRR!

  Instead of slowing down, my jetpack stopped completely. My bike flew out from under me. I did a backward flip in the air and landed in a bush.

  Jillian parked her bike while I untangled myself from the bush.

  I rubbed my rear end and wished I had some of Mrs. Whiffbacon’s padding. “Where is the Whopper when you need it?” I asked.

  “We have to sneak back and steal Poochie,” Jillian said. “Come on.”

  We walked our bikes back toward the train tracks. An old barn was there, and we peered out from behind it toward the cornfield. The sound of a train whistle came from the distance.

  “They’re getting out of the van,” Jillian whispered.

  Just over the tracks, we could see Mom and Dad in the glow from the street lamp. Dad had Poochie in his arms.

  “Let’s make it quick,” Mom said. “Whoever just zipped by on those motorcycles might be coming back.”

  Dad set Poochie down. “There you go, girl. Run and play!”

  “Yip. Yip.” Poochie sat on her hind legs.

  Dad pointed to the field. “Take your paws and scram!”

  Poochie licked her paws.

  “Come on, Ron,” Mom said. “Let’s
get out of here.”

  “Yeah, let’s go get that ransom money,” Dad said. They hopped in the van and drove off.

  Poochie sat there, sniffing the air, looking lost and sad.

  “Hey, Poochie,” I called. “Come here.”

  “Oh, no!” Jillian pointed to the light down the track. “The train is coming!”

  “Come quick, Poochie!” I said, clapping my hands.

  Poochie walked onto the tracks, rolled over, and played dead.

  “Nooooo!” I shouted. “That is not the place to play dead!”

  Choo. Choo. The train was coming! I started running toward the track.

  The light was bright. The engine was seconds away.

  “Watch out!” Jillian yelled. She pulled out her ninja net and tossed it toward the track.

  I ducked.

  Choo. Choo.

  The net sailed over me and landed on Poochie. I jumped up and grabbed the rope to the net. We both yanked on it and …

  Whooooooooosh. Poochie toppled off the tracks, just as the train whizzed by.

  “We did it!” Jillian cried.

  We ran and opened the net.

  A very happy Poochie face looked up at us. “Yip! Yip! Yippee!” She licked our faces, her round, dark eyes glittering. Even without a bacon cheeseburger in me, my insides were feeling all warm and delicious.

  Jillian started jumping up and down with joy. “We are mad crazy do-gooders!” Jillian said.

  Yep. That’s how we roll.

  It’s a Bird. It’s a Plane. It’s a Burger?

  “Come on,” Jillian said. “We saved Poochie. Now we have to get her back to her owner and stop Mom and Dad from collecting the ransom.”

  “To Higgins Park!” I put Poochie in my backpack and we hopped on our bikes.

  I pulled the string! Vroom!

  “Not so fast!” Jillian called out.

  I pushed the slow-down button. Jillian knew the way, so I followed her. As we turned onto Gregory Street, I called up, “Now can we stop at Beggin’ fer Burgers?”

  “No.”

  “But I need some cheering up, and nothing says cheer better than a bacon cheeseburger,” I yelled.

  “Why do you need cheering up?” she called back. “We saved Poochie.”

  “You saved Poochie. I haven’t done anything yet but chew on Dad’s slipper and fall on my rump.”

  “We’re a team,” Jillian called back. “And it’s not over yet. We’re almost there. Watch out!”

  Jillian turned onto Higgins Street. I saw the sign for the park ahead.

  Just across the street from the park was the glow of … guess what? Another Beggin’ fer Burgers sign! The smell of burgers zoomed right up my nostrils.

  “Yip.” Poochie stuck her head out of the backpack.

  Jillian saw it, too. “All right. Go for it, but make it quick.”

  I made a quick turn into the drive-through.

  “One bacon cheeseburger,” I said. “Please make it snappy.”

  I paid, grabbed the bag, stuffed it down my jacket, and vroomed back to the street.

  Jillian was waiting for me by the entrance to the park. “Eat it later. We’ve got to go find Poochie’s owner.”

  We parked our bikes behind a tree.

  As soon as I took Poochie out of my backpack, she was all up in my jacket, sniffing her brains out. That bacon cheeseburger aroma is hard to resist. “Jillian says we got to hurry,” I whispered, and set her down on the ground.

  “Hold tight to her leash,” Jillian said. “And we have to stay in the shadows so Mom and Dad don’t see us. I’m sure they’re already here somewhere.”

  I held on tight to Poochie’s leash, and we crept through the park.

  “I can see the lights of the fountain this way,” Jillian whispered, heading toward the right.

  Poochie started pulling left, toward a tree by the playground.

  “This way!” Jillian whispered.

  Poochie kept pulling toward that tree. “I think she needs to go!” I whispered. “You know, to do what dogs do outside.”

  “Now?” Jillian whispered.

  “When you got to go, you got to go,” I said as Poochie pulled me over.

  The playground had a very cool twisty slide. While Poochie was sniffing around, deciding where to drop her doo-doo, I decided to go down the slide. I climbed up the steps.

  “Not now, Billy,” Jillian whispered.

  “This is too cool to pass up,” I said as I sat at the top.

  Poochie trotted over and sniffed the bottom of the slide.

  “Oh, no, you don’t,” I said. “Get away from there.”

  She hopped up on the slide and looked at me.

  “Go under a tree like a normal dog, you crazy mutt!” I said.

  She squatted.

  “Nooooooooo!” I waved and lost my grip on the slide. Zooooom! Down I went. I slid around and around, getting a glimpse of the gift Poochie had left at the bottom. “Nooooooo!” At the last second I pulled my knees up, pushed off, and did a flying somersault over the poop.

  Whew!

  “Yip,” Poochie said.

  “Yuck,” I said. “You need some manners, mutt!”

  Jillian and I both looked at the mess. “We can’t just leave this here,” she said. “Some poor kindergartner is going to get slimed.”

  I found a big leaf. Then I plugged my nose, scooped up the poop with the leaf, and put it under a nearby bush. Oh, the joy of having a dog!

  “Shh!” Jillian said. “I hear something.”

  We followed the noise. As we turned a corner, we could see the whole fountain, lit from below. We hid in the shadows.

  “Look.” I pointed. Our van was parked on the road, just beyond the fountain. Our parents were wearing disguises to look like park employees. Mom was in the driver’s seat. Dad was waiting in front of the van with a box.

  “That’s the box with the brick,” Jillian whispered.

  They had fake license plates on the van. Ron and Tanya Crook had thought of everything.

  Lights flashed and then a car pulled up. It was a limousine. It had to be the rich owner!

  A woman got out with a suitcase.

  Dad stayed by the van. “Try any funny business, and your dog is dead!” he said.

  The woman held out the suitcase. “It’s all here. Just give me the dog.”

  Jillian crouched down. “Poochie,” she whispered, “run to your owner! Now!”

  Poochie rolled over and played dead.

  I knew what I had to do. I pulled out the delicious bacon cheeseburger. Poochie jumped up.

  I let her sniff it once and then I pulled it back, winding up for the pitch. I threw that sucker as hard as I could. It went flying over the fountain.

  “Yip!” Poochie went chasing after it.

  The bun fell off, but the cheese held the bacon to the burger and it sailed in a long, beautiful arc and then hit the side of the limo with a smack! Poochie was on it in a second.

  “Poochie!” the owner cried with joy.

  “Poochie?” Dad exclaimed. He looked around, wondering what had happened, and we ducked back into the shadows.

  Jillian pulled out her smartphone and hit the sound button. A fake siren wailed. She turned up the volume.

  I peeked out and saw Dad running for the van. He thought the cops were coming. With a squeal of tires, the van was gone.

  “We did it!” Jillian and I jumped up and started dancing around.

  “Great job with the burger, Billy!” Jillian said.

  “Nice touch with the siren, Jillian,” I said.

  I was so happy, I got my boom-boom going.

  “One for the money,

  two for the show,

  three for the doggies,

  and here we go.”

  The owner heard and came running over with Poochie in her arms. “Did you throw that burger?”

  I grinned, still holding the bag.

  Jillian turned off the siren on her cell phone.

&n
bsp; “You saved my dog!” the owner exclaimed. “I’d like to give you two kids a reward.”

  Jillian pulled the flyer for the shelter out of her pocket and handed it to the woman. “We’re collecting money for the Lucky Dog Shelter,” she said. “So the dogs will have enough food and medicine.”

  “What a wonderful idea,” the woman said. She handed over the suitcase. “Please take this money.”

  We gulped.

  “I was going to give it to some terrible crooks to get Poochie back,” the woman said. “This is a much better cause.”

  “Thank you!” Jillian said.

  “Yip!” said Poochie.

  “Aw, what a cute dog,” Jillian said. “Can we pet her?”

  The owner set Poochie down, and we each gave her a hug. I was going to miss that squirrel-hating, dead-playing, toe-licking, bacon-loving mutt.

  Tip Tip Squish

  The street was dark. The door was locked. I was using Jillian’s lock opener to break into the Lucky Dog Shelter.

  Most crooks break into a joint in order to steal some cash. Jillian and I were breaking in to leave some cash. Ron and Tanya would be horrified.

  The lock popped, and I pushed the door open. “We’re in,” I said.

  We slipped through the door, tiptoed to the front desk, and put all the money there. Ten thousand dollars plus the money we’d collected from our bake sale.

  The people who worked there were going to be so happy.

  Jillian pulled my arm and pointed to a doorway marked DOGS.

  “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I asked.

  She grinned and nodded. “How could we come to a shelter and not play with the dogs?”

  GAMES TO PLAY WITH DOGS AT ONE A.M.

  1. Chasing hockey pucks with pugs.

  2. Basketball with beagles.

  3. Shuffleboard with shih tzus.

  4. Crack-the-whip with collies.

  5. Drop-kicking with dachshunds.